THE ALTAR
ENTRYWAY
They say, “We don’t know how a real prophet would be. We don’t know their life or character.” Yahweh will make this way of Seersgate a plan of transparency. These are the servant’s private journal notes. How will you benefit from them? You will see how Yahweh engages someone who is weak and lowly, very insecure, and begging for attention.
You will notice from the notes in this portion of The Altar books that the servant has yet to enter the spiritual drinking from the heavy Cave Training. She is learning to engage the Great Yahweh in a conversational form and is testing her way of standing with Him. These are conversations between a servant and the One named Yahweh. Yahweh is the Great I AM. Yahweh trained this servant and shaped her within to deal with spiritual engagement in word-for-word conversations. Take a journey with this servant in her early learning days.
More entries are coming over time.
While in South Florida
March 9, 2002
SUSANNA:
I just purchased this journal on Friday. I would like to dedicate it to the Lord. There are so many things that I would like to say, but I don’t really know how. I thank God for allowing me to live to see another day. We have been blessed with our income tax return.
There is so much that I would love to share with You. I wish that I knew where to start. I remember keeping a diary when I was a teenager. It is funny reading about everything I wrote so many years ago. I sometimes miss the simple things in life. I sometimes wish to do some things over again, but I realize that will not happen. I need to review the book of prophecy. I feel like this world will not last for too much longer. I can’t wait to finish school and get into the career I should be in. This note is enough for now. Be back a little later.
March 10, 2002
SUSANNA:
Today is Sunday. I wish that I went to church today. I felt weird not being there. I felt like I was missing something. I am now twenty-seven years old. I have two kids and three stepkids. I married my husband because I love him. Recently, he told me that he didn’t want any more kids. My heart fell to the floor. M___ rubbed my stomach, told me that he wanted a baby with me, and now he says that there is no reason to have any. I don’t know what to think or do. I want a baby with him so bad. I want that with him. I feel somehow that I do not treat him well. I will be visiting my children next week. B___ will be four on the fourteenth. I can’t believe how fast time is going by. I hope to finish my training by June to start ____ by August. It is now the 12th, and ___ just brought over our new king mattress. M___ isn’t talking to me. I wish that he would love me. I asked him to hug me and tell me he loved me, but he wouldn’t. I wish that he would. I cleaned up the bedrooms. I put our old queen-size bed in the room (girls’ room). It looks good in there.
I miss You, God. Sometimes, I feel like there is no one here who truly loves me. Thank You for loving me unconditionally. I am so sorry for not being a good daughter. I miss being close to You. Please show me how to get back.
March 15, 2002
SUSANNA:
Hi, There. Today has been a day filled with so many weird emotions. I am in Virginia. I arrived yesterday. I came in at 9:45 a.m. into Newport News. I guess You already knew that. I have my kids, and I am very excited about the time I will be with my kids.
June 2, 2002
SUSANNA:
It is now about 12:15 a.m. I haven’t written in this journal for a while.
God, You know my heart. Sometimes it feels so painful. I need You in my life. I wish that my husband and I were getting along better. I want to be close to You. I want You to speak to my heart. Show me Your ways. Please teach me. Bless me with wisdom, Lord. I thank You for all that You have done. I love You, Father. I know that over time, I haven’t been what I should be. Please bring me back to You. Bless my family. I love my husband. I sometimes don’t know if he really loves me. Please help. What do I do? I miss You, Father. I want to be close. Please forgive me. I have sinned so many times. How can You continue to love me? I am not worthy of love, Your love. I am not righteous. I want to be holy. Please bless the service. Please speak to our hearts. Please, Father, I ask You to open my eyes to the Truth. Please show me how to be like You. I pray for financial, spiritual, and family miracles. Please, I ask for Your love and Your blessings. There is no one like You. Thank You, Father.
—Your daughter, Susanna.
June 3, 2002
SUSANNA:
Mike is out with J___ and some other guy to discuss the business. It is almost 11 p.m., and he is still not home.
Lord, I don’t know what to say anymore. I feel like I will never be what I should be. Will I ever be free from this job situation? I am tired of it. I just don’t know what to do with myself. I don’t know about school or anything else. I do need You. You can see right through me. Don’t leave.
SUSANNA (cont.):
I am worthy of being His child. I have been bought with a price. I am a new creature in Christ. Old things are passed away. All things have become new! Thank You, Jesus.
August 22, 2003
Entry 1
SUSANNA:
Lord, I don’t want to see anyone else in pain and misery. I am tired of “playing” church; I want to see Your demonstrated power fall upon the land. I want to see people saved and people healed of anything and everything. I want to see crusades of people—loads and loads of them hungry for a touch from You. I want to see a revival in the land. Lord, I desire to feel Your presence in such a mighty way that the air is thick and hard to move through. I want to see the land broken and Your Church broken before You. Why can’t Your power be manifested? Why are we not close to You? We need You. We need Your anointing. We need Your power. We need You. None of this can be done without You, Lord. Lord, my desire is to serve You and bring glory to Your name, O, Lord. Lord, I want to make You happy. I want to see a great number come to know You. Lord, what is the plan that You have for me? What can I do for You, my Lord? How can I serve You?
—Your Daughter
August 22, 2003
Entry 2
SUSANNA:
Lord, I do remember when I was a little girl, around the age of eight or so, and I told a preacher named Bishop F___ that I wanted to be a missionary. He told me that night, as we were walking to the car that I was too young to be a missionary. Lord, I couldn’t understand why there was a cut-off age to begin. I was heartbroken, as You know. I didn’t understand. I still don’t understand. Now at twenty-eight years old, twenty years later, I am longing to know what You have in store for my family and me. Lord, please reveal to me what You desire of me. I love You, Lord. I am so sorry for the vows I have broken with You. I am so sorry for not keeping my promises. You have never left me. I am so sorry. I love You so much. Please forgive me for my sins. Please forgive me, Lord, for not keeping my word. Lord, I really meant that vow I made to You on Wednesday, 8/20/03, about serving You all the days of my life. Thank You for hearing my prayers and seeing my tears. Thank You for being such a loving God who never fails and who never gives up on us. Thank You for grace and unconditional love. Thank You for salvation. Thank You for sending Your Son to die on the cross for me and the whole world. Thank You for my life, health, and strength. Thank You for calling me. I am so sorry that I left You. You never left me. I can’t imagine my world without You in it. I can’t imagine (and I don’t want to) where I would be right now if You were not in my life. I know that I could have been dead, both physically and spiritually. Thank You for not giving up on me. Thank You for Your love. Lord, I desire to know You more. I want to sing a new song to You. Lord, I want to bless You. Lord, I want to serve You with a pure heart. Lord, I am Your servant and a slave to You. I am not my own. I belong to You, Lord. I am so happy that I call You Abba Father. I can talk to You about anything. You mean everything to me. Lord, I want to hear Your voice clearly. I want to feel Your presence everywhere I go. Lord, I know You are everywhere, but I want to feel You as close as I can while on this Earth. How close can I get to You, Lord, while I am on this Earth? Lord, I don’t want any glory at all. I want You. Teach me Your ways, Oh Lord, so that I may walk in the path that You have called for me. I know, Lord, that You do not have any respect for any person. I want to be as close as I can to You. It seems like everyone can let everyone down. I know that I can trust You, Lord. Please teach me how to be trustworthy. I want You to be able to trust me with Your anointing. Please teach me to obey You and not question You in any way. I realize that obedience is better than sacrifice. I want to be humble. Teach me, Father, how to be humble and more like You. Teach me, Great Holy Spirit, Your Word. Teach me the things of You. Lord, I long to be more like You, Lord. I believe that You cannot lie. Teach me how to be like You. I want to be in Your presence. I want to see Your glory. I want to see Your glory! Lord, show me Your glory! I need You, Lord. I need You. Please reveal Yourself to me. Please open my eyes, my spiritual eyes, that I may see You. Please reveal Your word to me. Teach me, Lord, how to write new songs to You. Teach me how to sing to Your glory. Teach me. Lord, You are so beautiful. Lord, Your Word is powerful. Lord, You are so holy. Lord, You are worthy of all praise and all glory. Lord, there is none like You. Worthy is Your name. Lord, You have created me in Your image. Lord, You have known me even in my mother’s womb. Lord, You have made me the way that I am. How I can’t wait to see You. I can’t wait to see You face to face. I cannot imagine eternity. I cannot imagine what You have prepared for us when we go to Heaven. Lord, may I see Your glory? Lord, I know I am not all that (I don’t know the proper words to use). I know I could die if I was in Your glory, but I want my flesh to die so that I can see You. Lord, thank You for being in the midst of the drama production (at church). It was wonderful and awesome to see the souls come to You. Lord, Your presence was so strong in the sanctuary. Lord, can it always be that way? Lord, that would be nice. Thank You for listening. Lord, this is my prayer to You.
September 28, 2003
SUSANNA:
Lord! I don’t know what to say in a way. I feel as if I don’t have a place anywhere. I really hate this feeling. I really don’t understand so much. I desire to get closer to You. Why do I feel this way? I know what Your Word says. Father, do I come across the wrong way to people? Lord, please forgive me for all of the things that I have done wrong in my life. Please teach me how to kill my flesh (fleshly nature). Please show me how to be humble. Please show me how to be a servant. Please create in me a clean heart and renew the right spirit in me. I don’t want to walk in the flesh. I want to walk in Your Spirit. I don’t want to play church. I am tired of the things that I see. If we just get closer to You, Lord, we can be good workers for You, Lord. I am willing to pay the price for spiritual power. Lord, I am willing to pay this large price. Lord, I don’t care about being famous or having a lot of money. I just want You, Father. I want to see You. I am nothing. I have nothing. I have nothing to give You but myself. Please teach me, Great Holy Spirit.
January 29, 2004
SUSANNA:
The Lord has been so good to me! He is worthy of all praise and all glory! The Earth is the Lord’s and the fullness thereof. All of the Earth belongs to God, including us!
I am enjoying spending precious time with the Great Holy Spirit. I love the fellowship; I want it to grow. I want more of this fellowship. I want the Great Holy Spirit to tell me more about Jesus. I am so excited that I will be able to spend more time with the Great Holy Spirit.
I pray that the Lord continues to reveal His Word to me. I pray that I learn more about Him. I pray that everyone will better understand who the Great Holy Spirit is. I pray for revival. I pray for a restoration and refreshing that will come from the Lord. I pray that the Great Holy Spirit is our Comforter and our Leader. I pray that the Great Holy Spirit will teach us all things and that we will walk in the Spirit and not in the flesh.
February 11, 2004
SUSANNA:
My God is so good to me. Yahweh has provided all of my needs. The Lord has given me a wonderful husband. Last night, I confessed to my husband everything I had done to hurt him. I was so overwhelmed with guilt, and for the first time, I couldn’t go to sleep unless I told him.
I knew that I was a new creature in Christ. I told him why I always felt like I had to know why he loved me. I didn’t want him only to like my body, but I needed him to like me—to love me. He told me that I was not that other person anymore. He held me in his arms and loved me. He told me that I have to forgive myself, and I truly realize now that I haven’t forgiven myself for everything I have done to hurt myself and everyone else in my life. I never want to go back to the old ways.
Father, I need Your help. I don’t want to go back to the old, confused Susanna. I need Your help. I don’t want to sin against You. I love You so much. Please help me to love myself. Please help me to forgive myself. Please help me to get past myself and to concentrate on You, Lord. I need You so much.
I believe that God is in charge of our lives and has a work for us to do for the Kingdom. I will learn to be still and know that He is God.
February 23, 2004
SUSANNA:
Yesterday, one of the prayer team members was praying for me. A second one joined in. He told me to raise my hands. I did. He told me to tell God that “I receive His love.” I had the hardest time doing this. When I finally received the love of God, only after I said that I received His love could I feel something warm cover my body—from the top of my head to the soles of my feet. This was the first time I could truly say I understood and felt God’s love. Satan tried to make me feel unworthy to receive God’s love, but that is the lie of the enemy. My past is gone, and I am no longer that person. I asked my husband to forgive me for all the times I came across as self-righteous. I could already feel a difference in my life since yesterday at the altar. I believe that I have truly forgiven, even myself. I pray for God’s leading in every area of my life.
March 4, 2004
SUSANNA:
Today is an interesting day. In my life at this time, I am still at home. I still haven’t finished year one of seminary. I just purchased a keyboard to start learning music. I no longer want to build an ___ empire. Now I have this strong desire to only do the will of God. I just pray that I will truly know His will. I am taking acting lessons with ___. I am waiting to print my headshots, etc. It all seems like so much to do, yet I feel like I am unorganized. I can’t believe that we have been going without me working full-time. God has fully provided for us in all areas. My heart still aches for my children. I long to hold them in my arms. I still believe God for our baby. I believe God for debt cancellation this year! I know that He is in control of our lives. I am not worried if we have to move in the next couple of months to another state. Wherever He puts us, I know it is not up to the C.G. but only up to God. God is taking me to a place of just choosing to let His will be done. Even though Satan has tried to make me feel unworthy or feel as if God hasn’t forgiven me for everything, I know God has. The 22nd of February was very special for me. God showed me His love. I felt His love in a mighty way.
Since then, I don’t want to focus on the pastors or leaders. I only want to focus on God. I don’t want to be stuck in the inner court. I want to go deeper into the Holy of Holies. I want to fellowship with God and walk and talk with God. I want to walk in love. I want to walk in the Spirit. I want to be in the image of God (where people notice I have been with Him). I want to be available to God. I want to be a “Yes, Lord” vessel. I choose my heavenly Father’s bloodline. I choose life. I renounce the infirmities of my past and of my earthly family line. I choose not to walk in those things. I choose to wait on God. I choose to trust in Him. I pray this, and I also pray that God will heal my marriage and will also heal my husband’s hurting heart. I pray for wholeness and restoration in my family. In Jesus’ name. Amen.
March 5, 2004
SUSANNA:
I am starting to realize that there is nothing I can do to further myself. I tried flying and getting a flying degree, but that failed. I tried going to BCC, but I had already drained all of my money supplies. I tried I.S., but I realized they are not regionally accredited. Who would take their transfer of credits? I am considering it now. I feel like a ship tossed to and fro. I tried ___, and I am not a person who enjoys lying to people to get them to buy stuff. Right now, M___ and I are also having relationship-marital problems. Back on Tuesday night, he totally put up another wall with me. He totally shut me out. He wouldn’t take his test for school. I just don’t understand any of this. I haven’t felt this frustrated in a very long time. I need to hear from God. I need to know His voice. I need Yahweh to speak to me.
What do I do, Lord? I do put my whole trust in You. But I know that if I fully trust You, I would not need to know where we are going, nor would I have to see where I am in a few months.
March 13, 2004
SUSANNA:
This is the day that the Lord has made. I will rejoice and be glad in it. My God has been gracious to me. He has supplied all of my needs according to His riches in glory. I will stand and believe that there is nothing that my God cannot do. He is Yahweh. He is Almighty. I love the Lord. He supplies all of my needs. I wish that I could see Him. I am sometimes a little frustrated about some things, but I am learning to fully trust my God and let Him be in control. The Easter play rehearsals are going well. God truly has His hand on everything going on. I really want to commune with the Great Holy Spirit. I really want to talk to Him. I want to fellowship with Him.
The Lord told me to meditate on the Word and be ready. He will use me and not worry about what I will say to others, for He will give me the words to say. He told me to preach the Gospel. I told Him that I would really like to see Him, and He said that I would soon see Him because He is coming back very soon. He is telling us to be ready.
March 15, 2004
SUSANNA:
The Lord is great! I praise Him for all He has done! I am so glad that He cares about us. I love the Lord. I told Mike on the way to Sunday morning service that I am “in love” with God. I never said that before. It just came out like that. I thank the Lord for all that He has done. B____ turned six years old yesterday. My kids are a wonderful gift from the Lord. My Lord God is powerful, mighty, Holy, real. He loves us so much. He wants us to be whole and restored. He wants us to receive His love and spread it around. He wants us to be humble and walk in His love. I am trusting God for healing in our marriage, for our baby that He is going to give us. I am trusting Him to get out of debt. I trust Him to lead us and to guide us.
Dear Father in Heaven. I love You so much. Thank You for all that You have done. You are mighty, holy, and worthy of all praise. Thank You for loving me and setting me free. Thank You for my family and the baby coming :o). Thank You for life, health, strength, and shelter. Thank You for my husband. Thank You for sending Your precious Son to die for me. Thank You for Your Spirit. I believe that there is nothing You cannot do. I believe that You are in control of everything. I believe that You have everything and that You know everything. There is nothing that You cannot do. There is nothing too hard for You, Lord. I am asking for wisdom, Your boldness, and that the favor of God will be upon me and my household—that doors will be opened and that we can walk into the destiny that You have for us. Thank You, Lord. I love You. —Your Child
March 22, 2004
SUSANNA:
Today is a wonderful day that the Lord has made. He is such a good God, a holy God, a faithful God! He is lovely and worthy of all praise!
I put my whole trust in You, Lord.
That night at the altar, when I was calling out to the Lord, I felt something dripping on my forehead (top of my head). I went to wipe it off, but there was nothing there. Come to find out, that was being done in the spirit realm. I felt it! It was a thick liquid, and it was draining down my face (the side). The power of God was so strong in that place. I didn’t want to leave.
I pray to know God’s will and obey whatever He tells me.
March 23, 2004
SUSANNA:
I just wanted to give King Jesus all of the glory, honor, and praise. Last night (Monday night), my husband gave his life to the Lord! J.D. came to speak at our church, and M___ came to the altar. The funny thing is that I just came to the entrance of the doorway (in the back near the ministry station) not expecting to help in any way. D___ was walking towards the back of the church (where I was standing) and told me that we needed to gather everything together for the new Christians. I opened the side door to the sanctuary to meet L___, and the new believers were leaving the sanctuary to go to the activity center through the kitchen. Mike was going in with them, but for some reason, I didn’t think he was giving his life to the Lord, but he was. I was so happy about that! I was so thankful; I am so thankful to my Lord!
Lord, my desire is to be just like that family that J___ spoke of in Heaven that were all together. I love waterfalls. I love water, Lord. I would love for M___ and I to have two children, a boy, and a girl. I would love to see all of my family there in Heaven.
I went to the doctor today, and she told me that I had cysts my ovary and that is what was causing all of the pain during ovulation. They did a pregnancy test. It wasn’t what I was hoping for. Soon. I believe God and His promises.
The Lord is my light and my salvation. Who shall I fear? The Lord is my shield. The Lord keeps me under His wings. I am under the shadow of the Almighty. My trust is in the Lord Yahweh. The God of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob. The One True God. Blessed by the name of the Lord.
I love You, Lord.
—Your daughter
April 8, 2004
SUSANNA:
Thank You, Lord, for all that You have done. I am sorry that I was unable to go through all three days of fasting. Life has seemed really weird lately, I guess. I am learning so much from the Lord. I am so excited about what God is doing. I believe in miracles. I believe that we will be totally healed, restored, and overcome by the blessings and miracles of God.
God is training me. He is teaching me very important lessons. Sometimes it seems easier to write a letter to the Lord than to talk to Him (in prayer). I looked at a few photos today and couldn’t believe how different I am. Because of my Lord, I am not the same. I can even see it in my eyes.
Thank You, Lord, for all that You have done. You are worthy of all praise and all glory. There is none like You, Lord.
God is teaching me not to focus on human beings; not to be emotionally dependent on others. He is training me, but sometimes I am too lazy or unconfident. I don’t want to be this way anymore. I want to be like my Lord all the way. I want to do His will. Calling: I believe that God has called me to worship Him. I know that I cannot do any of this. It is by God’s power that this will get done. Today is a day of cleansing and repentance. The Great Holy Spirit is showing me so many things that I need to pray about and so much sin in my life. I will be obedient and start over with God and go deep, starting today.
May 1, 2004
SUSANNA:
The Lord is cleaning house. The Lord showed me (a few weeks ago) that I didn’t respect my pastor or other leaders. If I didn’t respect my leaders, how could I submit under the authority of the Great Holy Spirit? I asked my pastor to forgive me for being disrespectful to him. I told him I was so caught up in comparing him with the pastors I grew up with and how they lived. I shouldn’t have done that at all. I desire to live for the Lord and not focus on any particular leader but on God.
Dear Father God. Please forgive me for the many times I didn’t trust You as my Source, as my Provider. Please forgive me for doubting You and not believing Your Word. Lord, please cleanse me from all unrighteousness and from all sin. Please wash me clean. Please create in me a clean heart and renew the right spirit within me. Please heal my heart from the hurt that I have received from my husband. Please be with my children. Please give me wisdom. I love You, Lord. I love You so much. I am tired of messing up. I don’t want to hurt You anymore. Please, I want to receive Your love. I receive, by faith, all that You have for me. I pray in Jesus’ name.
May 17, 2004
YAHWEH SAYS IT:
Many will not accept the move of God and say that it is a move of Satan. This is blasphemy. Some will fall away and give heed to seducing spirits. Many will embrace the revival, the mighty move of God. We need to keep our spiritual armor on. We need to pray for the people to grab hold of the vision of God. Are you ready?
May 22, 2004
YAHWEH IS LEADING:
I am looking for a Bride, for a people who will worship Me in spirit and in truth, those who will not have other idols before Me. There will be a great outpouring of the Spirit of God. In the last days, I will pour out My Spirit upon all flesh. Do not look at how others worship. Keep your focus on Me. Know that your help comes from the Lord. Do not watch others; watch God. God is your help. Do not desire the things of this world. Remember, God looks at the heart. People look at the outside appearance. God is not limited by man. Desire to be like and walk like Jesus. Jesus is looking for people who will seek after Him with their whole heart.
SUSANNA:
Lord, please don’t let us seek after the gifts and not the Giver of the gifts. Please forgive us for seeking You halfway. Please forgive us for loving the things of this world and being separated from You. Forgive us for not having You in our lives and being people pleasers. Please forgive us, Father, for thinking that we know everything and taking the time we spend with You lightly. Please give us that hunger and desire to know You more, to be intimate with You. Burn me up, Lord, in your fire. Purify me, Lord. I want You to see Your reflection in me. I need You, and I love You.
May 23, 2004
YAHWEH SAYS IT:
My people are destroyed for lack of knowledge. The Word says to seek My face, but it also says to turn from their wicked ways. If people will seek Me with their whole heart. I am looking for true worshippers. Those who will worship Me in spirit and in truth. I want to draw near to My people, but sin keeps Me away. They are worshipping with their lips, but their hearts are far from Me.
I am raising up My army who will worship Me in spirit and in truth, who will speak with boldness and authority, an army who will not veer off of the Word but will preach the Word with boldness and authority. Stay connected to the Vine. When you are connected, you will bear fruit. This is how you know who My disciples are, only by their fruit. Stay connected to the Vine. Remember that My Father does the pruning, not man. Seek My face and turn from your wicked ways, and I will hear from Heaven, forgive your sins, and will heal your land.
I am doing a new thing, such as you have never seen before. There will be many great miracles, many great signs, and wonders. But remember that everyone who does miracles and signs is not My disciple. Remember that before the Throne, many will say, “Lord, Lord, did we not cast out demons in Your name? Did we not prophesy in Your name? Did we not heal the sick in Your name?” And I will say, “Depart from Me. I never knew you. Your work is the work of iniquity.”
When the power of God falls in the last days, many things will be going on. Unless you have a true relationship with Me, you will not see the Kingdom of God. No sin can enter into the gates of Heaven. No sin can enter in. No one who practices sin will be allowed to enter in. There must be true repentance. True turning away from sin. There must be godly sorrow.
Susanna, I am a just God, a righteous God. It is against My nature to allow sin into My glory. To allow sin, I cannot. The road is straight. The road is narrow. There will be few who will be able to find it. Relationship is the key. Who do you know? Friend to the world is an enemy to God. You cannot serve two masters. You must hate the one and love the other. You must take up your cross and follow Me. You cannot love your life. You must be willing to lose your life for Me.
May 24, 2004
Monday Night Prayer
YAHWEH IS LEADING:
Many will miss it. Many are too busy being concerned with religion and tradition. They are fearful of the unknown and therefore are unable to trust Me. They are satisfied staying in the old and will not allow My Holy Spirit to cleanse them, to purify them. It hurts being cleansed and changed. But this work is required.
The Holy Spirit must be in charge. The Holy Spirit must be given the freedom to do His cleansing, renewing changing work. This move is of the Holy Spirit. The Holy Spirit is looking for available vessels. He will do the housecleaning. The Holy Spirit will do the work. He doesn’t need the help of man. Man needs to stay out of the way.
May 27, 2004
Thursday Night Prayer
YAHWEH SPEAKS A GREAT WILL:
Many will not be able to handle being in the glory of God. They think that it is some “thing,” some feeling that will come and go. They do not fully understand the outpouring of the Holy Spirit. Many will run to and fro, putting their priorities before Me. Many will keep their idols while attempting to offer praises to Me. With dirty hands, they offer up sacrifices to Me.
Many people look at the outward appearance, but I look at the heart. I weigh the matters of the heart, not how often someone brings Me a sacrifice out of the wrong motive. Look to Me, the Author and Finisher of your faith. Look to Me as your source that never runs dry.
I am the Living Water. My water will never run dry. Drink of this living water and never thirst again. I am the Bread of Life. Eat of Me and never die. I rain on the just as well as the unjust. Don’t you realize that I cannot lie and that I will pour out My Spirit upon all flesh? I do not lie. My Word will never return to Me void. Do you believe that I can do as I have said? Do you believe that with God, nothing is impossible? Where does your faith lie? Is it in houses, in land? Is it in your finances?
Don’t you realize that I am looking for those who are faithful? Don’t you know that I look at and examine the heart? If you do not bear fruit, you will be separated from Me. My sheep will bear fruit, not signs and wonders. Remember, the gifts and the calling are irrevocable. If My people will just seek after Me and not gifts. If they would see that the servant is not greater than His master.
Listen for My voice. There will be many voices crying out in these last days. Do not falter. Do not grow weary in your well-doing. Call unto Me, and I will answer. I will answer you. I will hear you. The time is short. Judgment will come upon the earth. The army in Heaven is getting ready. Jesus is coming back soon for His Bride, His Church. Do not walk in the counsel of the ungodly nor sit in the seat of the scornful. Stay separated for duty to meet the high calling. Be ready to meet the King of Kings.
Greater works shall you do than were done in the Book of Acts. Walk in the Spirit and not in the flesh. Do not fulfill the desires of the flesh. Keep your eyes focused on Jesus.
May 28, 2004
YAHWEH IS LEADING:
God is looking for people who will be obedient to His Word. Obedience is better than sacrifice. He is looking for a pure heart. He is looking for vessels that are not tainted with the cares and things of this world. He is looking for a faithful Bride who is always set apart for Him. A Bride who is not committing spiritual adultery as she waits for the Bridegroom.
Don’t give up. The time is short. Be set apart for the Master. There are idols that people have in their lives that are taking My place. I am a jealous God. You cannot have other Gods before Me. People are putting many things ahead of Me. I have to be first. I have to come first. I am God. I am the Great I AM. The idols have to go.
May 29, 2004
Prayer Night
SUSANNA:
I pray that we will have a deeper revelation of who King Jesus is. I pray that we will not be the same ever again. I pray that we will die to our flesh daily. I pray that our relationship is changed. Lord, there is nothing impossible for the Great I AM. Lord, teach us how to be like You. Please show us how to walk in the Spirit and not in this prison of flesh. Please separate the flesh veil that is over our eyes that brings a hindrance to walking in our calling.
Please, Great Holy Spirit, have Your way in my heart and life. Great Holy Spirit, please change me. Please open my eyes to the truth. Please allow me to see with my spiritual eyes. Please give me Your wisdom and understanding. Please rule and reign in my life. Please, Lord. I am Your servant. I want to do Your will. I want to be like You, King Jesus. I want to see You, King Jesus. I want to know You, King Jesus. I need You. I need a revelation of You. I need to know You deeper. Take me higher and further in You. Father God, Your will be done on Earth as it is in Heaven. I love You, Lord. I adore You, Lord. I honor You, Lord. —Your Daughter
YAHWEH GIVES A REPLY:
Do not be burdened or heavy laden. Do not worry about the future, for I am in control. Be steadfast, unmovable. Do not look with your natural eyes. Do not set your eyes on things that are temporal. Set your eyes on things that are eternal. Watch for Me in the clouds. Do not be weary. Do not lose hope. I am with you.
August 11, 2004
SUSANNA:
There are so many things going through my mind right now. I really want to do God’s will. I really want to be completely obedient to Him. I want Him to lead and guide every area of my life. I cannot do anything without Him. I must seek God with my whole heart. I must not give up no matter what. I must call upon the Lord.
August 11, 2004
After Prayer
SUSANNA:
I enjoyed a wonderful fellowship with the Great Holy Spirit. He is teaching me to be quiet in His presence. I am always talking. I need to learn to wait on Him and be still. Today was a wonderful time with Him. I am excited to spend more time with the Great Holy Spirit and learn more about King Jesus :o).
August 18, 2004
SUSANNA:
I want to go deeper in God. I want to know Him more. I don’t know where to start. I must have more of Him, more of His presence. I don’t want to make a move without knowing His will and what He wants me to do.
Lord, everything is in Your hands—my life, family, and future. You already know the result. I love You so much. Please stay with me, Lord. Please forgive me for all of my mistakes—all of my faults. I want to be like You, Lord.
August 24, 2004
SUSANNA:
The time is going to be very fast. The kids have almost been gone for a month. I thank the Lord for all that He has done. God is so good to my husband and me. God is our Source, our Provider. He is everything that I need. He is awesome. He is so real. He is so good. I only want to please Him. I want to do His will…I want to do His will.
Please, Lord. Let me hear Your voice louder than any voice. Please teach me Your ways, oh, Lord.
Elizabeth City / Virginia Beach
August 10, 2005
SUSANNA:
Today, while reading ____’s book on healing, there was a point that remains in my mind: I realize it seems as if I am trying to share the glory with God. I must remember that all glory goes to King Jesus and that King Jesus heals and not me through King Jesus. I pray for more humility in my life.
A powerful thing in the Gospels: King Jesus submitted to His Father and was obedient in doing what God wanted Him to do. I must be obedient to God.
August 29, 2005
SUSANNA:
Today begins a three-day fast. My marriage needs a breakthrough. My husband and I need a financial breakthrough. The new ministry needs a breakthrough, and I really desire to know God’s will for me concerning this job at ___ and what we should do concerning this new car. I believe that everything will all work out for good because we love the Lord. I am being taught how to receive breakthroughs. I really need to learn how to pray.
August 30, 2005
SUSANNA:
I was praying this morning, and I was so weak. It was hard to pray. I was done praying, and I needed to hear from God. Last night, I had a dream about being insecure about my hair and tempted by past things. I couldn’t understand why this was happening. After prayer this morning, I needed to hear from God. I had this thought to read in ____’s book about when she fasted at the wrong time and she was too physically weak to pray. The Lord told me, “Would I ever tell you to fast and eat nothing where you are so weak that you cannot pray?” He told me to read that passage, and I did.
September 6, 2005
12:48 a.m.
SUSANNA:
I have had so many mixed feelings and emotions lately. My mind wondered about so many things today (or yesterday), this Labor Day. I thought about the goodness of God and how He has been so good to us. I thought about ____ Ministries. My soul is anxious; I feel so unprepared. I long for revival. I long to feel the hand of God in my life, leading and guiding my every step. I turned down a job at ____ to wait on a job as a research assistant for ____. I am learning patience as the bills mount, and the car payment is due today. Yet I cannot dare complain since my Heavenly Father knows my every desire and need. On September 1st, I went to the Register of Deeds in ____ and registered the name for this ministry. I am also completing the final exam for my first year of seminary. The website is about a third of the way done for (name of ministry).
The trials are bringing out my true character as well as the true character of others. I still believe in God and His promises. He cannot fail. I am a little nervous and anxious about a lot of things. It has been two weeks since the phone interview. I am waiting patiently for this position. I am learning to wait patiently for a lot of things.
September 12, 2005
SUSANNA:
I have a meeting with the Director/Manager of ___ this Friday. I believe that I have this job. I am very excited as well as nervous about this job. The website is about halfway done. I believe that God is in complete control of everything.
September 14, 2005
SUSANNA:
Lord, what is the purpose of this website?
YAHWEH:
This is a good way to tell people about the Good News. I am coming back soon. This is a good way to reach many at one time. Susanna, don’t give up. I love you. You think you are all alone, but you are not. I am with you. When you don’t see Me, when you don’t feel Me, I am still there with you. Susanna, you have a work to do for the Kingdom. Don’t get tired. Time is short, and I am coming back soon. Susanna, where you are weak, I am strong. Stay away from those things you shouldn’t watch. Focus on the work you have to do.
Everything is in My timing. Don’t go ahead of Me. You do this when you try to make things happen instead of waiting on Me. When the time is right, everyone will know that I have called you to be My mouthpiece. Don’t force it. Wait on Me. Prepare. Don’t waste time. Susanna, the things that you worry about are temporal; they will pass away. Focus on heavenly things, the Kingdom of God. Don’t waver in your faith. Trust Me completely. No, I do not have any respect of persons. I choose whom I will. Man looks at the outside. I look at the heart. The time is coming when things will change drastically.
There are so many out there who are lost. You know about Me, yet you will not tell others about Me? Susanna, shouldn’t you be more concerned about what I think of you and not others? You are more afraid of hurting someone’s feelings instead of doing My will. Oh, Susanna, they hated Me way before they hated you. Do not try to be friends with the world; you can’t do it if you are going to be close to Me.
You give up way too easily. There are things going on in the heavenlies which you cannot see. Things are working out for your benefit, for your good. I am the Lord God who heals you. I meant what I said, every Word that I have given you. I love you, Susanna. If you only knew. If you could understand My love; it is so pure. You don’t have to earn it, Susanna. You don’t have to work for it. No matter what you do wrong, no matter what you do, I will always love you.
Susanna, don’t give up so easily. You are doing things to be obedient, but you are not willing. Your heart must be there, Susanna. You must want to do these things. Seek the Kingdom of God first, then everything else that you want will be added unto you. Seek God. You will learn His will, and His will will become your will. If you only knew the plans that I have for you. I am glad that you are My daughter. Find your rest in Me, Susanna. I talk to you all the time, but do you want to listen? Susanna, you must listen to My voice. When I say you are ready, you are ready. You will know. You will have My peace about it. Go to sleep. Rest in Me. Obey My voice.
SUSANNA:
Goodnight, Father God.
September 15, 2005
SUSANNA:
Lord, I want to hear from You.
YAHWEH:
Susanna, when will you learn to trust My ways? Do you have to see things to believe it?
September 16, 2005
SUSANNA:
Lord, I feel that I am being stupid about this job. I think that M___ is going to “kill” me. What should I do, Father God? Is this the job for me?
YAHWEH:
Prepare for the job. Don’t worry about what tomorrow may bring, for I am in charge of tomorrow. I know all of your needs, Susanna. I have you in the palm of My hand. Things look so differently through your eyes than they do Mine. I have wonderful plans for you. Do you doubt My Word, Susanna? Do not doubt nor fear, for it will all come to pass. I’ve told you before—My love for you is so pure, Susanna. Rest in Me. Abide in Me. Take this as a second chance. Prepare for this job. It is the job for you.
I will give M___ the right words, the right thoughts. Have faith in Me. Do you believe that I own everything? Do you really believe that? If I own so much, why can’t you believe Me to take care of you in this? Believe Me. Stand on My Word. Proclaim it! I am your Provider. There is nothing too hard for Me. I look over My Word to perform it. I will never leave you, Susanna. I will never forsake you. I am not a man. Put Me first, Susanna. Put Me first. All of these things shall be added unto you. Taste and see that the Lord is good. There is no want to those who fear Him. I am your God. I am your Deliverer. Spend time with your brother. Let him see you stand in your faith in the midst of all of this.
SUSANNA:
Lord, it’s all my fault about the car. I shouldn’t have pushed M___ into buying it. Please forgive me.
YAHWEH:
Never just assume. You could be out of God’s will. You must just know. Do as your new boss said: Get some rest. Prepare for this job, Susanna. Everything will work out fine. Everything is in My timing. Do not wait to see an angel come before you. Just listen to My voice. Don’t worry about the car: I know you like it. Let Me handle your husband. Wait for this job, Susanna. This is a lesson. You are learning to trust in Me and not in your abilities. I can do more. I can take you further with My favor. Be obedient to My voice. Trust in Me. You will eat the good of the land.
I am always looking out for you, always watching over you. Will you be obedient? Listen to My voice. Heed My Words. Do not worry about what tomorrow will bring. I am in charge of tomorrow. Everything will be fine. You know how your children worry about little things, and you tell them that it will be fine? That is the same thing that I am doing with you. Everything will be fine. Do not look to people. Look to God, the Author and Finisher of your faith. Do you believe Me, Susanna?
SUSANNA:
Yes, Lord, I believe Your Word. You shall supply all of my needs according to Your riches in glory through Christ Jesus.
YAHWEH:
And don’t I own a lot?
SUSANNA:
Yes, Lord, You do.
September 18, 2005
YAHWEH:
In these last days, I am pouring out My Spirit. Susanna, there is going to be a great outpouring. It is going to cover the earth. Susanna, My presence will be concentrated. It will saturate the very being of My people. Susanna, people will start to take sides. Many will continue to fall away. Many will choose death instead of life. Soon, everyone will have to make a choice. Who will you serve? Time is short, Susanna. Many would rather seek after the pleasures of this earth than after Me. I know the hearts of men, Susanna; it is wicked. No one fears Me. No one reverences Me. They would rather love darkness rather than light. Who will you serve, Susanna? Seek Me first, and I will open up the windows of Heaven. I will heal your land.
Susanna, you are living in the last days. Do not trust someone’s words when it doesn’t line up with Scripture. Read the Word. Know My voice. Susanna, continue to grow in the grace of the Lord. Continue to hunger after Me. I am looking for vessels that I can pour My Spirit through. I am looking for pure vessels, vessels that have gone through the fire. Watch and wait for Me; in the hour that you think not.
Susanna, I am faithful, and My Word is true. Do not doubt any of My Words. Pray My Word. Speak My Word. Proclaim My Word. Things are not what they seem. Do not look to the natural but to the spiritual things. Do not look with your natural eyes but with your spiritual eyes. Even though there is a great falling away, there will still be a mighty move of God. I am still God. Is there any like Me? I am still God. Is there any like Me? I am faithful to do what I said I will do. I am looking for vessels that I can use and flow through.
September 21, 2005
SUSANNA:
Last night, I had this wonderful dream. I wish that it didn’t happen so fast. I wish that I could see it again. I cannot remember the full details, but I do remember one specific part. We were looking into the sky. There were clouds, big fluffy ones. In the clouds, I saw King Jesus. I know that it was Him. He was on a white horse. His hair was brown, and He had a “focused” look. He was very big. His horse, everything, was big in the clouds. I remember seeing Him in a different color clothing than white. This didn’t seem like the coming for the world but the coming for His Bride. His face was clear in the dream, but now I am unable to remember the details. I want to, badly.
September 28, 2005
SUSANNA:
Lord, what is hindering me from doing Your work?
YAHWEH:
You think that this is all a figment of your imagination—that I am real, and what I am telling you is real. Why do you want to be like everyone else, Susanna? You are so focused on pleasing others and not Me. The past week, you have been putting everyone else before Me. You would trust and listen to their voice before listening to Mine. Don’t you even realize that I am controlling this job and the outcome of it? Why are you so slow to do what I asked you to do? Am I not important to you? Idols can also be people, you know. Susanna, I have to come first, no matter what. You have more fear of man than a fear of God. What are your priorities, Susanna?
SUSANNA:
Finish the website, prepare for the job, and then?
YAHWEH:
You are overwhelmed in your problems instead of giving them to Me. Seek Me first, Susanna.
October 1, 2005
SUSANNA:
What does my heart long for? I need comfort. I am lonely. I don’t want to gossip. I don’t want to be religious. I want God. I want the supernatural.
October 3, 2005
SUSANNA:
Lord, what price do I have to pay for the anointing?
October 17, 2005
SUSANNA:
Lord, thank You for giving me this job at ___. You really amaze me. Lord, please teach me Your ways. I am humbled because I am learning that it has never been about me. Lord, I will never doubt You, Your Word. If I ever even consider it, please stop me before I go too far. I don’t want to ever doubt You. Since You know my thoughts, I want to ask You about having a baby. Never mind. I believe I will have a baby, but I don’t want to get obsessed with it. I want Mike and me to trust You and wait on You.
October 26, 2005
SUSANNA:
Lord, what’s in my heart? I don’t understand why no one really believes what You say in Your Word. No one wants to know Your Spirit. Lord, my heart wants to see so many saved, healed, and delivered. I don’t care if it is me or someone else. Lord, please have Your way. God, I am tired of having to prove myself. I will not dare try to go ahead of You. Please stop me if I do. I just really want to see ___ tomorrow and tell her that You love her. Lord, please lead me. What do I say? What do I do?
YAHWEH:
Break the spirit of intimidation off of your life. Everywhere that you go, I will lead you and guide you. Listen to My voice. Wherever you go, I will give you the words to say. Just listen to My voice. Do not run ahead of Me. Continue to seek the Kingdom of God first. Are you willing to pay the price for the anointing? I have called you. Do you heed My calling, Susanna?
SUSANNA:
Yes, Lord, I heed Your calling.
YAHWEH:
Be ready in season and out of season. Always be prepared to minister. Never underestimate the situation. Things look so different in the natural. People seem to fade away. The flesh dies. I resurrect. I bring life to the dead because I am Life, Susanna. In Me, there is life. People trust others, but no one trusts Me. I am faithful. I just want someone to trust Me. Would you do foolish things for Me?
SUSANNA:
Yes, Lord. Give me the boldness to do foolish things for You.
YAHWEH:
I am looking for someone that I can trust.
SUSANNA:
Here I am, Lord.
YAHWEH:
Do not look down on your brethren. A lot of things some do not understand because there is no close walk with Me. Some things I tell you because of our intimacy, and I can trust you to tell you certain things; others, I cannot yet. Maybe as our relationship grows and your character is shaped. Do not be stubborn, so hardcore in seeing things your way. I have not revealed everything to you. Remember that you only receive a part of My knowledge, a glimpse. You really have to trust Me. Show your husband. Let him know that you stand firm in the faith. Don’t waver. Don’t doubt. You are almost done. Are you watching?
SUSANNA:
Not like I want to.
YAHWEH:
Watch and wait for Me, for in the hour that you think not. I am coming back soon, Susanna. I am coming back soon. Dwell on heavenly things, Susanna, not on things that rust and are corrupted. Heavenly things are so much more valuable than earthly things. Put your faith in Me, the Author and Finisher of your faith. Watch and wait for Me, Susanna. Do you know how you watch and wait for Me?
SUSANNA:
By keeping busy?
YAHWEH:
By putting the Kingdom of God first, by being prepared, by being ready. Remain ready. Tell others about Me and My return. Stay humble. Be teachable. Never compete; just serve. Always be ready. The time will come when they will see the true worshippers. The true worshippers will rise and worship God in spirit and in truth. Watch and wait; for in the hour that you think not. Do foolish things for Me, Susanna. Go out on a limb and trust Me. Watch Me perform My Word.
SUSANNA:
Yes, Lord.
YAHWEH:
Go to bed, Susanna. And don’t forget what I have told you.
October 30, 2005
SUSANNA:
Lord, please have Your way in this service. Please don’t let us get ahead of You or lag behind You. Please have Your way—no more religion or religious attitudes. Please change us and mold us into what You want us to be. Lord, please forgive me for having a fear of man and not depending on and trusting in You. You are awesome.
November 4, 2005
YAHWEH:
Listen to My voice, Susanna. Why is your heart so downcast? You act as if your life is miserable. Why do you give up on Me so easily?
SUSANNA:
Please help me, Lord. I don’t know why.
YAHWEH:
It is because of the Word: You are lacking in it.
November 13, 2005
YAHWEH:
Why are you embarrassed to spend time with Me? Susanna, you must not fear what others may think. You are so concerned over what you see, over what you hear in the natural. Do you know that I surpass the natural? Do you know that I am in control of every situation? Do not be moved by what others say in the flesh. Listen for My Spirit. Listen to My voice. Do not be so easily moved by the natural. The natural doesn’t move Me. Faith moves Me, Susanna. Oh, I have so many things for you. So many plans for you. I love you so much, My daughter. Sometimes, I like talking to you like this to see how well you will be obedient. Don’t get disappointed by what you see in the natural. Step over to the supernatural. Your aim is to please Me, Susanna. Learn to wait on Me—not just in one situation, but in every situation. I am the God of plenty. I have designed everything. I know what you need. Spend more time with Me, Susanna. I love spending time with you. Do you love spending time with Me?
SUSANNA:
Yes, Lord. My heart longs to spend time with You. I long to be with You. I want that so badly.
YAHWEH:
Go solely on My Word. When you hear someone speak, listen only to My Word, and filter out everything else. When someone speaks, only listen to the Word; throw everything else away. I want to fill you with more of My power, with more of My anointing. Do not be afraid. I will teach you. I will lead you. I will watch over you. I will guide you, Susanna. I am your source for everything that you need. Let Me fill you, Susanna.
SUSANNA:
Yes, Lord, I receive.
YAHWEH:
Rest in the Spirit. Dance in the Spirit. Dance!
SUSANNA:
Yes, Lord!
November 15, 2005
SUSANNA:
Lord, what is my purpose, my calling?
YAHWEH:
Do you recognize depression when you see it? You are discouraged. Why, when the joy of the Lord is your strength?
SUSANNA:
Forgive me, Lord. You are my strength. You are my everything. I am lost without You. Nothing satisfies Me. I need more of You. Great Holy Spirit, what is my purpose?
YAHWEH:
Your purpose is to preach the Gospel. You are to tell others about Me. We are One, Susanna—the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit. We are all One. We do not have different opinions about things. We agree on everything. I show you things for a reason, Susanna. Not so that you can “think down” about a person, but so you can pray for that person. There are things in you that still need to be burned out of you. You have not arrived yet, but you are on your way. Do not develop animosity in your heart. Stay faithful to your calling. As long as you listen to My voice and do what I tell you, you will stay in My will in the calling that I have chosen for you. Do you hate spending a lot of time with Me?
SUSANNA:
No, Lord. I just get frustrated because I want to see You. Please, Lord, have Your way.
YAHWEH:
Trust in Me, Susanna, and never doubt. Watch for Me, Susanna. Wait on Me. Everything is in My timing. I haven’t forgotten about you. I can never forget about you.
SUSANNA:
Lord, thank You for never forgetting about me. Thank You for giving me life almost thirty-one years ago.
November 25, 2005
SUSANNA:
Lord, please tell us what to do concerning buying or renting a house. Please give us the wisdom to decide what to do and where we should live.
YAHWEH:
I will speak to your husband concerning this.
SUSANNA:
Yes, Lord.
November 27, 2005
Entry 1
SUSANNA:
Lord, it seems like so much is done for a show. Lord, what needs to be changed? Lord, I realize that You didn’t say to come over here, but I just want to be in Your presence. I don’t really care about what others think about me being here at the altar. Lord, what is going on in Me? I feel different since I had that dream. Is it just me? Please speak to me, Lord.
YAHWEH:
Listen for My voice, Susanna. Listen to My voice. Wait on Me. I told you that I will train you. It is not like any other training. This training will be hard to understand sometimes. Others will not understand what you are going through. Some may not believe you, but it really wouldn’t matter. It is not up to them to believe you. It is up to you to believe Me. You must trust Me. Are you ready to walk in the supernatural? Are you ready to go deeper and higher in Me? Do you still care about what others think about you? Are you looking for human praise? Seek My face, Susanna. Don’t count how many times you go to the altar. Don’t notice who is looking, who is wondering. When you come to meet with Me, nothing else matters. Before praying for others, know what I want first. What if there is sin in that person’s life? What if there is unforgiveness? What if you are praying against My Word? Don’t pray out of your flesh to meet a need. Listen to the Spirit of God. Listen to My voice in every situation. Call upon Me, Susanna, and I will answer. I will show you great and mighty things that you have not seen. Many will not understand what is going on inside of you. Do not be afraid. Trust Me. I will never leave you, Susanna. This training is not going to be easy. You will have to leave many friends behind—those who do not want to walk in the Spirit but choose to walk in the flesh. But pray for them, Susanna. Keep yourself separated unto Me, yet pray for them. Stay prayed up. Stay in the Word. The tests will get harder. I have given you everything that you need. I have equipped you. It is time for all the gifting to be used and come forth. Do you trust Me, Susanna?
SUSANNA:
Yes, Lord, I do trust You.
YAHWEH:
I do not change. I will not leave you. Okay, Susanna?
SUSANNA:
Yes, Lord. I believe Your Word.
YAHWEH:
Are you ready?
SUSANNA:
Ready for more, Lord? Yes!
November 27, 2005
Entry 2
SUSANNA:
Lord, where is the power in the Church?
YAHWEH:
Where’s the faithfulness, Susanna? Where are those who love Me more than anything else? Where are those who hunger and thirst after righteousness? Susanna, nobody really wants Me. Is there anyone hungering and thirsting after Me?
SUSANNA:
Lord, here I am! Please help me to walk in the Spirit and not in the flesh. Set me apart for Your work.
November 28, 2005
SUSANNA:
Lord, I choose to delight myself in You. Lord, You are worthy of all praise, of all glory, and of all honor. Lord, I love You. I really mean it. I love You. I am so glad that You are my Lord, my God.
YAHWEH:
Oh, Susanna, I have always loved you. You are always on My mind. I want to give you the best things. Know My heart, Susanna; it has only good thoughts for you. Wait on Me, Susanna. Wait on Me. I have all the right timings. I know you love Me, Susanna. I look at your heart. You are My daughter. I care deeply for you. Oh, let Me hold you, My child. Do you see?
SUSANNA:
Do I see what, Lord? That all things work out together for good for those who love the Lord? Yes, Lord. I love You. I trust You. Please forgive me for telling different people about my experiences with You. Please kill all of the pride in me. I believe that I am still looking for human approval. Lord, please wipe that out of my heart.
YAHWEH:
Susanna, surrender it all to Me.
SUSANNA:
Lord, You know my heart. In the natural, we have things against us. But in the supernatural, we have You on our side. You are our strength. You are our fortress. You, oh Lord, can move mountains. Nothing is impossible with You, God—having a baby, buying a great home, being debt free, winning millions of souls for You—including my family; having Your favor, Your blessings, Your heart. Oh, God, I want You. I would rather have You than a house, a car, a baby. Without You, what else would really matter? You own everything—including our home, our son J___, our lives, this earth, this universe. God, who is like You? No one! You are my everything. I need You more than this air that I breathe. I need You. I surrender it all to You, Lord.
December 5, 2005
SUSANNA:
Lord, please speak to my heart. I am hearing that I should write a book and that it should be about healing. Lord, if this is what You want, I will do it. Lord, I cannot do anything without You. Lord, please lead me and guide me.
YAHWEH:
Start off with the gifts and explain them. Don’t worry about how it is going to be done, as of where the knowledge will come from. Trust in Me. I told you that I will lead you and guide you. This book is not for you, Susanna. It is for My Church. Listen to My voice as you write it. There are things that you don’t understand now, but you will.
SUSANNA:
Lord, a book about healing?
YAHWEH:
I trust you, Susanna. You will flow in My abilities, not yours. Some may not think that you are experienced enough to write a book. This is because they are looking at it in the natural. With God, nothing is impossible. You can do all things through Christ who strengthens you. Do not be afraid, Susanna. Be completely obedient. Trust in the Lord, and never doubt. Your testimony will cause many to come and know Me. You will tell others about everything, the deep hurts of your heart, and how God healed you completely. You will no longer live, but Christ will live in you. Your life is a living sacrifice given to God. It is no longer your own. Die completely, Susanna, where it doesn’t matter what anyone thinks of you. You are no longer that person anymore. So many people have hidden sins and secrets that they do not want anyone else to know, yet they are hurting. They feel as if nobody else understands. But, Susanna, you know that I have done these things in your life. It is time, Susanna. Do not be afraid. Do not be ashamed.
SUSANNA:
Lord, You will love me even if everyone else rejects me?
YAHWEH:
Be willing to die completely, Susanna. Offer yourself as a living sacrifice. Offer your life to Me. You must be completely dead, where it doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks of you. You know what I think of you, Susanna. I love you. Win souls for Me. I love you, Susanna. Be obedient.
SUSANNA:
Lord, my desire is to do Your will. Lord, please lead me and guide me. Please give me the wisdom to write this book, and I pray that You will receive all of the glory and honor. I pray that many souls will come to know You through this book. Lord, You name it. You design it. You do it, Lord. I yield to You. I will do as You have spoken.
December 12, 2005
SUSANNA:
Last night, I realized I am not as obedient as I should be. The Lord asked me to do something, and He had to ask me twice. He told me that He shouldn’t have to do that. If I asked my kids to do something and they didn’t do it the first time I asked, I would be upset with them. I am not dead (to my fleshly way) yet.
December 13, 2005
SUSANNA:
Lord, what are the gifts of healings? I do not understand so many things about healing. Please open my understanding, and please give me Your wisdom. I pray to be able to write this book.
YAHWEH:
Do you know how the gift of wisdom comes one way, by mouth? Then what if the gifts of healings came in different ways? Healing is not done the same way every time. It can be done differently. Never put God in a box. What if God wants you to do something different; you must be obedient. God works through obedient vessels.
SUSANNA:
(Note to self: What if I was given these gifts but didn’t know how to yield to the Great Holy Spirit?)
January 11, 2006
SUSANNA:
Lord, I need to know Your will for my life. Let me backtrack. Lord, I just want to be in Your will. Please give me an unquenchable hunger for the Word of God.
January 24, 2006
SUSANNA:
I looked over a few old notes that I wrote back in 2004 about my relationship with God. It seemed as if my heart was so tender then. I don’t understand what has happened. It feels as if I am tired—of what I am not sure. Why do I feel so lonely? Why do I not feel motivated? I long for that hunger again. I long to truly know God’s voice. Without His presence, His voice, I feel as if I could die. I don’t want to go on without the Great Holy Spirit.
March 5, 2006
Prayer Walk
SUSANNA:
D___ spoke to me before we went in to begin. He said that there is a mighty woman of God in me and that he is excited to see what God is doing in my life and how He is going to use me in this house. He looked deep within me. I told him that somewhere in me there is a mighty woman of God.
The prayer walk was fun. We prayed at two sides of ___ while the other group prayed at the other two parts of the city. I really believe that God is doing something; I am not sure what. This is all so new. This is all something that I have not experienced before.
April 16, 2006
SUSANNA:
Thank You, King Jesus, for dying for me. Right now, I think back, and I realize that if I died before accepting You into my heart, I would be in Hell. But because of You, Lord, I have eternal life. Tonight, I don’t know how to explain it, but I feel as if there is a change in me. I feel as if I am finally being serious with God.
YAHWEH:
I have equipped you with everything that you need. Are you finally serious? There are many souls out there waiting. Everything that you need is already inside of you. I will never leave you. The gifts inside of you will continue to grow as you mature. Everything that you need is already in you.
SUSANNA:
Thank You, Lord, for these gifts that You have given me for Your glory, Lord.
May 12, 2006
10:30 p.m.
SUSANNA:
I want to learn to wait on the Lord, to listen for His voice.
YAHWEH:
What used to take many years, Susanna, will take a short period of time. Learn to watch and wait for Me, Susanna. Don’t always be in such a hurry to leave. Learn to wait on Me. Serve Me by waiting, waiting for My presence—waiting, listening, watching. Learning to wait is difficult for many: It goes against what the flesh wants them to do. Learn to wait. Do you know how, Susanna? It is very important in ministry. Don’t go off of your flesh, trying to please men. It is very important that you learn to wait on Me. Learn My voice. Don’t do anything in ministry without hearing My voice.
Learning to wait is very hard, but you must learn to wait. It may seem uncomfortable at times. Why not now but learn to wait. This goes past patience: This is resting; this is yielding. This is putting what you want to the side. Yes, learning to be still. Quiet the soul. Learn to wait. Timing is everything. As you wait, listen. Don’t move ahead of Me. I will start to show you more things, deeper things. Stay pure. Keep your heart pure. It is not just about your hands, Susanna. Hands are not the only things used for healing, Susanna. What about voices? You can bind and loose with your voice. Listen, Susanna. Try to stay out of the flesh—doing works to get My attention. What am I looking for, Susanna?
SUSANNA:
Clean hands and a pure heart.
YAHWEH:
Yes. Clean hands and a pure heart. You are used to seeing things done a certain way in the past, but now it is a new season: Some people, it’s hands; some people, it’s voices; some, it’s clothing. I choose to do it however I want. Just be willing to do foolish things for Me, Susanna.
SUSANNA:
Lord, I want to know Your voice. I want to know it so clearly.
YAHWEH:
What did _____ do, Susanna?
SUSANNA:
(I pictured _____ telling his friend about what was going on in his life, his testimony.) Lord, _____ gave his testimony. That is how it all started. Lord, I realize that You are allowing me the opportunity to share what You have done in my life with ____, those at work, and soon with ______, the President of _____. Talk about an opportunity. Lord, I didn’t see it like that.
YAHWEH:
Never underestimate an opportunity, Susanna. Tell him what I am doing in your life. You can trust him, Susanna. Let him know what kind of God I am. Let him know what I am doing. Give it to him Friday after _____, at the end of the day. When you are ready, you will know because I will tell you. What is Sunday, Susanna?
SUSANNA:
Mother’s Day. It’s Mother’s Day, Lord.
May 21, 2006
YAHWEH:
Why doesn’t anyone ever start a service with worship? Sometimes many need to kill the flesh, and they have a hard time getting into worship. So much flesh has to die. Do you realize why ___ doesn’t have these praise services like that? There are a lot of his songs that are addressed to worshipping Me. They acknowledge who I am, My ways. They don’t dwell on what your wants are. They dwell on who I am, My wants, Susanna. What is your focus? Do you know that I will show up when My presence is there? You don’t need fast or slow songs, Susanna. You need My presence. No one wants to acknowledge Me. This is why you get irritated a lot lately. Understand, Susanna. How do you get into My presence? The focus must be Me, Susanna. Every church has to burn off the flesh. Everybody has to burn off the flesh. How much time is spent in My presence during the week? People don’t understand that it is a relationship. I am looking for those who will worship Me in spirit and in truth. I am looking, Susanna. Will I find anyone? I am tired of lip service. I am tired of impure hearts. Susanna, clean hands and pure hearts: I want this. See, it’s the same thing, Susanna. It could be dull worship or loud worship, but what I want is pure hearts. There is no power in My Church for this reason: It is lip service. There are some, but the Body is doing lip service. Susanna, I can anoint you directly. I don’t need another vessel. Don’t forget where the power really comes from. It is not from man; it is from Me, Susanna. Listen for My voice. Wait on Me, Susanna. Call on My name. Do not look at the natural circumstances. I want your heart, Susanna. I want all of you.
SUSANNA:
Lord, create in me a clean heart and renew the right spirit within me.
YAHWEH:
Soon, Susanna, there will be a saturation of My presence. Soon, the containers will not be able to hold it. Soon, human containers will not be able to hold it. It will burst forth in newness and life. Signs, wonders, and miracles; healings. Pastor ____ was right about that, Susanna. Great signs, wonders. Not everyone will receive this move. They will be afraid because they will not understand. But the fields are ripe. The fields are ready.
June 18, 2006
YAHWEH:
Susanna, I am looking at hearts. That is the most important thing. I don’t care about everything else because once I have your heart, I have everything else; you will be obedient; you will want to worship. Your words are very important; they speak life into the atmosphere (This is not declaring or decreeing.). I am teaching you how to worship. I am teaching you how to totally surrender to My will. Susanna, don’t try and be like someone else. Stay in your calling. Don’t worry about what others think of you, even your husband. Things may look different. They may not even make sense to you. I am here with you. Trust your heart, Susanna—your heart’s desire to be closer to Me.
SUSANNA:
Lord, I don’t want to just give You lip service. Yes, You are right. How can I expect to minister to You in front of a large crowd of people when I can’t even do it in front of a few people. I was kidding myself when I thought that I was ready. There is so much that I still do not understand.
YAHWEH:
I have given you everything that I have. Will you give Me everything also?
June 19, 2006
SUSANNA:
This past weekend, I started working on songs that the Lord has given me. I have been putting the notes on paper. I am excited about what God is doing. There is still a lot I do not understand, but I believe that God is faithful and will help me understand.
June 21, 2006
SUSANNA:
Last night, I had a dream that was awesome—at least from what I can remember. I recall waking up from seeing a healing service. I remember an older man being in a wheelchair, then being touched by the power of God that he got up immediately and started doing things he couldn’t do before. This is all that I can remember from the dream. Last night, I was so tired, but this morning, I am so refreshed. God has touched my body. I am grateful. He is giving me wonderful songs to sing.
June 24, 2006
SUSANNA:
The Lord told me something so wonderful—something that I have never heard Him say to me. On Tuesday, walking to my car from work, I heard the Lord tell me that I was His friend. I was pretty down that day. It was the day I e-mailed Pastor ___ to say hello. But the Lord told me that I was His friend. The whole world looks different when you know that you are God’s friend. There is no more reason to be sad. The Lord is so good. He loves me, and I love Him.
June 25, 2006
SUSANNA:
The Lord told me that I was on the altar and that He was burning out everything that was not of Him. (This is a spiritual detail.) He told me that I (my flesh) must be dead. All of my desires must die to where I only want to do His will, where everything else is not important. He said that dead people do not feel or have needs or desires and that I must die to all my wants and desires. He said that He looks over His Word to perform it and that everything He said that He promised to me will come to pass. Lying there on the platform, I could feel God’s presence in such a strong way. I really believe that God is with me. July is a month of fasting (throughout the month for the whole church).
July 2, 2006
SUSANNA:
I am learning to wait on God.
July 15, 2006
SUSANNA:
I read ___’s diary. I can’t stop thinking about how he reminds me of myself. I long for God so much that it hurts. Sometimes I want to withdraw for lack of understanding, yet I want to get deeper. I want to be with Him so badly. I love Him so much. I can’t explain this love. It may sound silly to some. I don’t truly understand it. I am in love with God.
July 26, 2006
Noon
SUSANNA:
Lord, how do I surrender to You? How do I give You my whole heart? Why is this so hard for me? Lord, I want to give it all to You. I don’t know how. Please teach me.
SUSANNA (cont.):
Today, I asked God to forgive me for being (stubborn and rebellious) in sin, for not surrendering to His will. Since I was afraid to lose control, I realized at that moment I had not completely surrendered everything to the Lord.
June 26, 2006
Chapel
THE LORD SAYS:
I want worship to be directed to Me. Would you prefer if worship/songs were sung to someone else talking about you, or would you want the song/worship to be sung to you? You would want it to you since it is about you. This is how I feel. I want songs/worship addressed to Me, not to everyone else concerning Me. Some want a feel-good time. Sometimes, it is just words. But no one addresses Me in worship.
July 30, 2006
YAHWEH:
Soak in My presence, Susanna. Learn to let go in My presence. All inhabitations, all flesh—let go of that. Be pure in My presence. Let your worship be pure. Yield to Me. Let your life be yielded to Me. Let your song be yielded to Me. Oh, Susanna, the wonderful things that I have for you. Look and see—it is all good. You will see. Step into the glory. Don’t hold back. Don’t look back. Look upon My face. Look upon My face. I am yours, Susanna, and you are Mine. Let there be nothing between us. Let there be nothing. Let there be no one. I want all of you, Susanna. Lose sight of others, and look towards Me, the Author and Finisher of your faith.
Learn to worship Me until the atmosphere changes from the worship. Don’t ever give up. Become a worshipper from the heart. Praise Me from the heart. Praise Me in a song. Praise Me in a dance. Praise Me with your whole heart. Oh, Susanna, clean hands and pure hearts. The notes—the words speak life into the atmosphere. See, Susanna, I want pure worship. Pretend that there is no one else there. Let your heart out to Me in worship. I want your heart. I want all in worship. Die in your worship.
July 31, 2006
SUSANNA:
Recap: The Lord told me early this morning that demonic influence/powers will become more obvious and to learn to deal with that. He said that I can sense if there is a demon near, but I need to learn to discern. I had a dream that someone was demon-possessed, but I didn’t know exactly what was going on, etc.
August 12, 2006
YAHWEH:
Susanna, I am keeping you hidden for a reason—until all the flesh is burned out of you. Susanna, I am keeping you hidden for a reason. Don’t try to be like everyone else. Susanna, stop trying to be a man-pleaser. Susanna, don’t try to be like everyone else. I have made you different. Stop trying to look a certain way for your husband. You will go crazy trying to please him. Please Me, Susanna. Be obedient. Follow after Me with your whole heart. I’m keeping you hidden for a reason, Susanna. Don’t worry. Everyone will know that I have called you at the right time, the right timing. Remove the man-pleasing from your life. Do you know why you are not up there singing yet? It is because you are not ready. But you will be soon! Why do you think that you are always under attack? It is because you have a great purpose, a great mission: You are a pioneer.
August 13, 2006
YAHWEH:
Susanna, I have already equipped you with everything that you need to minister.
August 17, 2006
Entry 1
YAHWEH:
Tell them what Heaven is like, Susanna—not just Hell, but also what I have in store for My children.
August 17, 2006
Entry 2
YAHWEH:
I just wanted to tell you that I love you. I do care about how you feel. Thank you for coming upstairs even though you were tired. This shows Me your heart. Go to bed, Susanna.
SUSANNA:
I love You too, Lord.
August 28, 2006
SUSANNA:
Early this morning, I heard the Great Holy Spirit say, “Watch and wait for Me, for in the hour when you think not.” I woke up hearing those words around 5 a.m. I didn’t really know what to think. I feel in my spirit that King Jesus is coming soon.
September 2, 2006
SUSANNA:
Lord, please lead me and guide me. I need Your help. I need You in everything that I do. Please help me, Lord. I need to hear Your voice.
September 4, 2006
Message from the Lord
“Seek My Face”
YAHWEH:
As I watched you pray, My heart wanted to answer you. What am I looking for? Clean hands and pure hearts. Seek My face with your whole heart, and I will reveal Myself to you. I will reveal My ways to you. You are not alone. I look after My children. I am faithful. Is there any like Me? Do not be afraid. Do not fear the unknown, for your knowledge is limited, but Mine is not. I know everything. I see everything. Do not stop seeking after Me. Do not stop. I will not disappoint you. I am faithful to do what I said I will do. Watch and wait for Me; for in the hour when you think not. I am faithful. Trust in Me, My child. I love you. I love you. I have so much for you.
September 11, 2006
YAHWEH:
I have called you to bring change. I have called you to bring radical change to worship. It cannot be in the flesh anymore, Susanna. I need your heart. I must have all of you in worship. Yield to Me, Susanna. Susanna, no more lip service. Mean what you say when you talk to Me, Susanna. I have so much. Susanna, I am limitless. I have so much. Don’t stop seeking Me. I know that you are in pain. It will be over soon. The pain will be over soon. Soon, you will see the fruit of your labor. I have given you a beautiful baby, Susanna. (The ministry is the baby.) Wait until you see your baby, Susanna. It is what you have always wanted. Don’t worry. Everything will be fine. What am I looking for, Susanna?
SUSANNA:
Clean hands and pure hearts.
YAHWEH:
Yes, Susanna, clean hands and pure hearts. I am teaching you a different style of worship. It is not just you, Susanna. Wait on Me. Watch and see. Only good things I have for you. Learn to wait in My presence. Learn to wait on Me. Learn to wait on Me in worship. You cannot give in to your flesh in worship. How bad do you want it?
SUSANNA:
Very bad.
YAHWEH:
Learn to breathe Me. It may seem weird at first, but the more you do it, the more you will learn to rely on My breath, My Spirit. See, some people get used to doing things the same way all the time that they cannot change. Do you understand? This is why My breath is so important. You must learn to breathe Me all the time. Stop looking at others. Focus on Me. Wait on Me, Susanna. Stay humble. That is all I have to say right now, Susanna. I love you.
SUSANNA:
I love You too, Lord. Thank You.
September 16, 2006
SUSANNA:
In the car, the Spirit said to me, “Get over yourself. Let Me use you. I want to use you.” I didn’t realize that I was the one keeping me from going forward in this calling.
September 24, 2006
YAHWEH:
Susanna, what am I looking for?
SUSANNA:
Clean hands and pure hearts, Lord.
YAHWEH:
Susanna, I want your heart. Don’t give Me anything less. Susanna, learn to wait on Me. This is so important. Stop looking at what others think. This is bigger than you. Look and see. It is time for a change, a change in the supernatural; a change where heaven comes to earth. Susanna, it is time for My Son to be revealed in all the earth. Susanna, watch and wait for Me. I love you, Susanna. I love you with pure love. My love is so pure, Susanna. Do not doubt My love for you ever. I want to rain it down on you and on others. Susanna, I have so much for you. Do not doubt. Do not doubt My Word. Watch and see. Wait for Me. Things are changing. It is time for a change. It is time for a change in the atmosphere. It is time for a change. What am I looking for, Susanna?
SUSANNA:
Clean hands and pure hearts, Lord.
YAHWEH:
Yes, Susanna, I want all of you. Clean hands and pure hearts.
SUSANNA:
Take all of me, Lord. Take my heart. Take all of me. I yield to You completely, Lord.
YAHWEH:
To be used by Me, it will take all of you. But are you ready?
SUSANNA:
I want to be, Lord.
YAHWEH:
Are you ready for this change? You must be ready, Susanna. Watch and wait for Me. Be ready. Be ready, Susanna. Be ready to be used by Me. It is time for a change.
SUSANNA:
Where, Lord?
YAHWEH:
In the atmosphere, in the earth, in My people. It’s time, Susanna.
SUSANNA:
Lord, I am Your servant. Let it be so as You have spoken.
September 26, 2006
Entry 1
SUSANNA:
What is the difference between the seer and the prophet?
YAHWEH:
Why don’t you trust Me, Susanna? How did I call My prophets of old? I would tell them that I have called them. They didn’t need man’s approval to know that they were called.
September 26, 2006
Entry 2
YAHWEH:
Trust Me, Susanna.
SUSANNA:
Great Holy Spirit, what should I do about the songs?
YAHWEH:
Be a good steward of the songs.
SUSANNA:
How do I be a good steward?
YAHWEH:
Don’t sit on them. Don’t hide them. Use them to build the Kingdom.
September 29, 2006
SUSANNA:
Lord, tonight I feel as if this vision, this dream, is about to come forth. I feel as if it is now, but how do I know for sure? I believe it will be in full force in a few weeks, but how do I know, Lord? Please lead me and guide me. Please, Lord, I don’t want to go ahead of You, but I really feel the time is now, or at least soon—as if there is no return. I am so excited. I can’t explain it, Lord. Please guide me, Lord.
YAHWEH:
Learn the songs, Susanna. If it was your choir director telling you, you would have learned these already. Why are you so slow to do what I ask? Is it because you cannot see Me, or is it because there is a fear of man still there? You will be ready when you can be completely obedient to Me. How long it takes is up to you. I am waiting on you, Susanna. Obedience is better than sacrifice.
SUSANNA:
Lord, please forgive me. I am sorry. Please help me, Great Holy Spirit.
YAHWEH:
I am, Susanna, but you must do your part.
October 6, 2006
SUSANNA:
This week, I realized that I had to change. God showed me—by His grace and mercy—deep sin in my heart. I was getting upset with a pastor who was taking “forever” to get back with me and others who would take “forever” to do things. Then the Lord told me that this is how I am with Him! Seeing it this way opened my eyes. I realized that I was a wicked, slothful person, a person who was lazy and took “forever” to do what God wanted me to do. I was so convicted. I was not being obedient. I asked the Lord to forgive me for the sin in my heart. “Today is a new day,” He told me. I must now be obedient and do what He tells me to do—and with my whole heart. I have to finish the website, organize the songs, and be a good steward of the songs. I am glad that God gives second (and more) chances!
October 15, 2006
YAHWEH:
Susanna, I am so tired of lip service. Susanna, I am so tired of lip service. I am tired of it. Susanna, I want true worship. I want worship from the heart—not about your circumstances, not from your emotions. I am longing to fellowship. I am longing for intimacy. I am longing to be intimate with you. I am longing to be intimate with My Bride. I want so much more. Search Me, Susanna. Search My heart by My Spirit. I have so much more to give, Susanna. Susanna, don’t be afraid of change. How does My presence come? Worship Me. Acknowledge Me. Susanna, worship Me. Susanna, worship Me. Susanna, I want worship. Susanna, don’t be afraid of change. Don’t expect to be like everyone else. Be different. Follow after Me with your whole heart. Don’t be critical of another’s worship. Learn what I am showing you: feel good service, Susanna, but no worship to Me. Pray, Susanna, that worship would come to Me in spirit and truth.
October 27, 2006
YAHWEH:
Susanna, you are not doing anything in the spirit realm if you sing about yourself. Do not compromise. You must worship Me in spirit and in truth. All people like to do is please the flesh! Susanna, I am not here. How can I be here when I am not even acknowledged? How can I be? Susanna, this is serious. People need to understand how My presence comes. Susanna, the works of the flesh: do not operate in that. Stay away from the works of the flesh. Singing should never be a performance; it should always be worship and praise to Me. Always, Susanna. Don’t ever compromise. Susanna, people will tell you to compromise. Don’t. Susanna, don’t compromise—ever.
SUSANNA:
Lord, what do we do? Lord, what do we do as a Church? How do we get the focus off of ourselves and onto You?
YAHWEH:
There must be someone who doesn’t compromise, Susanna, like Daniel. He never compromised, even though it could have cost his life. He didn’t compromise what he believed. Susanna, it is going to be hard. You will be opposed in this. There is so much tradition, so much religion, yet no power, and people wonder why. Susanna, it is time for the worshippers to come forth—those who will worship Me in spirit and truth. Susanna, it is time. I want to pour out so much, Susanna, but how can I? No one wants Me.
SUSANNA:
Lord, imagine what would happen if worship was directed to You. What would happen, Lord? Would we see Heaven come down to this earth?
YAHWEH:
Susanna, how can you flow in the Spirit when you are not of the Spirit? How can the world and the Spirit be one? There must be separation. You cannot serve both God and mammon. Susanna, I am so tired of flesh. I am so tired of lip service.
October 28, 2006
SUSANNA:
Tonight, I have made a confession. Tonight, I have chosen to accept the call that God has placed on my life. Tonight, I acknowledge that God has called me to be a prophet, and I receive this calling, and I accept this calling from the Lord. I choose to believe the Lord and what He said about me being His mouthpiece and about my destiny. The Lord, I believe, told me today that I didn’t have to worry about advertising the music because He is going to send people to the music. I choose to believe the Lord.
November 7, 2006
SUSANNA:
God is removing the impurities from my life, my soul. Lately, I have seen so many things about myself that I hate—that I have wanted to stay buried forever, but now they are coming to the surface. I have had bitterness, resentment, insecurities, and pain deep in my soul. The wounds of years of abuse were starting to surface, and now I realize I have no other choice but to deal with these issues.
November 10, 2006
SUSANNA:
This morning, while driving to work, I spent a little time with God. The Lord told me something like this: “Susanna, I am establishing your ministry.” I told Him, “It is not my ministry, Lord. It is Yours.” He said, “Thank you for giving it back to Me.” (“I am establishing My ministry through you.”) He then told me that I must…
YAHWEH:
Never forget where the power comes from. You are a vessel—that’s it. Don’t ever forget where the power comes from. You will see many great miracles. You will lay hands on the sick, and they will be healed because of My name. You will not always have to lay hands on them. Sometimes, they will get healed just by singing a song. You will see many great things, but do not let pride get in. Don’t exalt yourself. I will raise you up. Never forget where the power really comes from. Worship Me.
November 12, 2006
Entry 1
SUSANNA:
Lord, there is still so much flesh in me. Please burn out the flesh, Lord. How can I be ready when there is so much flesh inside of me?
YAHWEH:
Get the focus off of yourself, Susanna. It is not about you at all.
SUSANNA:
It is not about me. It is all about You, Lord.
November 12, 2006
Entry 2
SUSANNA:
Lord, I am having a dilemma about this song. I have it written in a certain key, and the producer wants to change it to a different key. I don’t feel at peace about it completely. Lord, how do You want me to sing the song?
YAHWEH:
How did I give it to you, Susanna? Fear of man makes you compromise.
November 26, 2006
YAHWEH:
Susanna, when will people learn? When will people understand? They must be taught. Works do not get you into My presence. I need your heart, Susanna. I can see right through you. I look at the heart. People try to praise Me in the flesh. I don’t like it, Susanna. I want so much more. Do you see what is going on? People are afraid of losing control, Susanna. People are afraid, Susanna, and when they are afraid, insecure, they put others down. Help your husband, Susanna. Support him. Now is the time for the flesh to come out of him, for his character to be built. Susanna, do not let offense set in. Do not take offense for your husband. Just support him. He doesn’t understand what is going on, but he will soon. Do not despise that your position is not noticed. Just serve. Do it as unto the Lord. Do it from your heart. I will raise you up when the time is right. Submit, even when the authority is fleshly. This is true character-building. Do not defend your husband to leadership. Let him go through this, Susanna.
SUSANNA:
Lord, teach us how to be humble.
YAHWEH:
Everything is in My timing, Susanna. Yes, the conference is fine. Help Pastor _____. Don’t worry, Susanna. I have wonderful plans for _____ also. I have given him that gift, and soon that gift will be polished. Don’t worry. Just serve with your whole heart. This is all for now, Susanna.
YAHWEH (cont.):
He will do sound for your ministry, Susanna. M___ will do sound for your ministry.
SUSANNA:
Lord, You have to tell him this.
YAHWEH:
I will in time. You two are a team. I have designed it that way. He will be a good (music) sound person—the best you could get because it is in his heart. You will see. Allow him to grow in his gift. Just support him.
November 30, 2006
YAHWEH:
I am confirming My Word to you. I am confirming you. I will never leave you nor forsake you. I am establishing your ministry. I am establishing your ministry. Serve Me well. Serve Me with your whole heart.
December 5, 2006
YAHWEH:
Susanna, My Body needs to understand how important fellowship is. I am so tired of lip service, Susanna. I am so tired of third person talk. I want direct communication. I long for one-to-one communication. I long for fellowship. My Body has to understand this. No more performing. No more lip service. I long for fellowship, Susanna. I long for intimacy. I long to have someone talk to Me. I don’t care about how great your voice is or how “off” you are; I want intimacy. I want your heart. I want to take you deeper and higher in Me. I want My Body to experience so much more.
Oh, Susanna, if you could only see what I have. Taste and see that the Lord is good. Taste and see, Susanna. Never compromise what I have told you. Many will not understand, Susanna. I have a special work for you to do. I do not have respect for persons. It is just that I have a calling for you—a calling that will affect many. It is not just you, Susanna. Be prepared for a change—a change in the way things are done. It is time for a change, Susanna. It is time for a change—a change in the atmosphere, a change. You will see a change that must take place. My Bride must be ready for My return. My Bride must be ready. I am coming back soon.
December 9, 2006
SUSANNA:
I noticed today that I have a problem mocking others. I would imitate something that they said. I don’t understand why I would do this. Someone pointed this out to me. I am so glad that they did. I didn’t realize that I did that—that I had this problem. How do I get rid of this ugliness? I don’t want to mock others.
December 17, 2006
SUSANNA:
The Lord is revealing to me that He is teaching me how to submit to godly and ungodly leaders. I asked Him and prayed that His Kingdom come and His will be done in our lives, the children, ministries; His Body. But before that, I asked Him to forgive me for slander, gossip, and using my tongue to curse and not bless. I asked the Lord to help me to submit. I realize that even though M___ is my husband, there are still many things I cannot tell him. I must not allow bitterness and resentment to come into my heart. The Lord also told me that He was with me :o).
December 31, 2006
Church Service
YAHWEH:
Susanna, take worship to another level.
SUSANNA:
Lord, how do I do that?
YAHWEH:
Never compromise. Susanna, you must never compromise. Your words have power. Proclaim, declare (not in a creative standing) in your songs. Do not take this assignment lightly. Do not compromise. Write down that I told you that you need to forgive. Never hold a grudge. Remember that you will be working with imperfect people. You must forgive. Oh, Susanna, if you could see things the way that I see things. I have wonderful plans. These times are your training times. I am burning all of the flesh out of you. You are starting not to care what others think about you. Susanna, the time is now. It is time to win souls for Me. Susanna, this is serious. This is so important. Susanna, die completely—completely to where you just hear Me and see Me. You must. So many people will not understand, but it is okay. It is okay, Susanna. It is okay. I will never leave you.
SUSANNA:
What’s wrong with me, Father?
YAHWEH:
You are not spiritually dry right now, Susanna. You are hungry for Me. You are so hungry. Susanna, that’s how I want you all of the time. Susanna, seek after Me with your whole heart. Finish the things that you start. Come to church tonight. Susanna, seek after Me tonight. What am I looking for, Susanna?
SUSANNA:
Clean hands and pure hearts, Lord.
YAHWEH:
Seek after Me with clean hands and pure hearts. Susanna, I will not disappoint you. Susanna, in ministry, never compromise.
December 31, 2006
Entry 2
SUSANNA:
I saw a wave of God going over the congregation. The Lord said that He wanted to show me something. He said that He rained on the just as well as the unjust. He rains on those who deserve it and those who do not. We all don’t deserve it. It is His goodness. It is His love.
YAHWEH:
Susanna, you must learn to love people with all of their faults.
YAHWEH (cont.):
I don’t want you to be just a songwriter: I want you to be a worshipper.
December 31, 2006
Entry 3
YAHWEH:
Never forget, Susanna. You can have the gifts and not the Giver of the gifts. Always remember to wait on Me. Wait for My presence, Susanna. I must always be the focus of every service, Susanna.
SUSANNA:
I just realized that I have not been grateful that the Lord allows me to sing and play music at work. All this time, I have been trying to get on the church platform when I have this whole workplace to minister in.
Lord, please forgive me for not being thankful for what You have given me.
January 3, 2007
SUSANNA:
Yesterday, while driving to work, the Lord gave me a very important counseling session. I was in the left lane, and this car purposely cut me off. I thought that I was going to hit him. For a split second, anger, embarrassment, and other feelings sprang up in me. (Not word for word) The Lord asked me if I knew why I felt this way. I told Him that I didn’t know exactly why. Then feelings of “not feeling good enough to lead” came up. I saw a picture of me in high school leading the ROTC girl (or team) competition. We did the whole thing correctly, but I called out the wrong command toward the end. My teammates said nothing to me, but I knew my mistake caused us an award. I realized in the car yesterday that I never forgave myself. I have been holding feelings inside that I would not be able to lead others well. I thought I was not worth leading others because of a mistake I made over fifteen years ago. The Lord told me that I must forgive myself. This has been causing me to be judgmental of other leaders. The Lord is showing me that as a leader, I will make mistakes, and so will other leaders, but I must choose to forgive anyway.
January 21, 2007
YAHWEH:
Susanna, can you feel My presence? Can you feel it? Learn to tell the difference. Learn to tell when My presence is there. Wait for My presence, Susanna. Don’t act without My presence. Listen for My voice, Susanna. Susanna, do not act without My presence. Learn to wait on Me. This is sometimes hard to do, but it is important. Susanna, what am I looking for?
SUSANNA:
Clean hands and pure hearts.
YAHWEH:
Yes, Susanna. Don’t be afraid, Susanna. Many will not understand, but it is okay. It doesn’t matter. Listen to My voice. Follow Me, Susanna, and everything will be fine. Susanna, don’t be afraid. Go for it. Sing your heart out. Praise Me. Worship Me. Just listen to My voice. Do not be a man-pleaser; be a God-pleaser. Focus on Me. Focus on Me. Always focus on Me. Susanna, give Me your whole heart in worship. Give Me all of you in worship. Yield to Me completely, no matter how foolish it may seem. I want all of you in worship. I am serious. Do not go to the right or to the left. Focus on Me. Do not compromise. Do not compromise in worship.
Many will think that you are trying to be holier than thou, but it is important that you heed My voice. Do not compromise in worship. I want all of it, Susanna. I want all of it. I want you. I want all of you. No more. No more. No more second-hand stuff. I want the best. I deserve the best. I am God. Am I not? Yes, I am, and because of who I am, this is required. I love you. I want to give you more. I need more from you. I need all of you. Susanna, I love you. Serve Me with your whole heart. I will not disappoint you. Listen to My voice. Do not compromise. Learn to wait on Me, Susanna. Remove all fear of man. All fear of man must go. Susanna, I love you. I have so much for you. Don’t give up on Me.
SUSANNA:
I won’t, Father. I believe You.
YAHWEH:
I love you.
February 2, 2007
SUSANNA:
Last night I finished the website…I went to bed pretty late. Surprisingly, I didn’t oversleep. Actually, I woke up by 6 a.m. It was funny because today, I was thinking that no one had better ask me to do chapel because I wasn’t sure if I would be able to keep my eyes open. J___, this morning, sent out an e-mail, but then B___ sent one out saying that J___ couldn’t do it and T___ was off. I was nervous just because J___ was there. I had ripped-up blue jeans, a mauve sweater, and a gray jacket with white paint stains. Boy, did I not look like a worship leader. I felt the Lord say that He was looking at my heart, not the way I was dressed. I had no music. B___ came a few minutes before, but I really didn’t want him to try and figure out the music. It was a really weird today. I felt as if I was singing the songs God wanted me to sing, yet I felt pressure to compromise things like changing the music to something else. I felt so discouraged afterward because I am not trained to do this. I don’t really know what I am doing. I just want to follow God and listen to His voice. After chapel, I believe the Lord asked me whose voice I was going to listen to—hers or His. I said His. He told me again not to compromise but to listen to His voice.
February 5, 2007
SUSANNA:
I was also discouraged today, this morning. It was about worship. I didn’t want to disappoint the Lord. I realize that I am learning, but I didn’t want to be disobedient to Him. I don’t understand so much about worship. I was thinking about these things in the car, and the Lord spoke to me. He told me things like, “Don’t worry about it. Everything will be fine. Just listen to My voice, and be obedient to My voice.” The Lord is so wonderful. He knew I needed encouragement. I just want to please the Lord.
February 6, 2007
SUSANNA:
This morning while driving to work, I was listening to ___’s CD from church, and he was talking about God raising up an anointed group with a new sound, a new way, etc. It all dealt with worship for this hour. While listening to this, I believe I heard the Lord say, “You are one of them. Be prepared. It will happen quickly, and you must be ready,” etc. I asked the Lord, “How do I get ready?” He said I must stay in His presence and spend time with Him (this is a paraphrase). I cannot give up on what God wants me to do. I want to stay faithful to Him.
February 12, 2007
SUSANNA:
During praise and worship, I felt like screaming inside. I am at the point where I am so hungry for God’s presence. I am so miserable with anything less. Today, the Lord told me that I must never forget where the power comes from. He said that often. I could see myself in the Spirit, preaching and laying hands on people. The Lord told me again what He has told me over the years. I feel in my spirit that the time is near. I want God so bad I could scream. I am so tired of the fake, of the lack of power. I want God so badly. Today, P___ asked us to ask God for something big. I asked God to provide the resources for the music and His ministry for His will.
March 18, 2007
SUSANNA:
Tonight, I believe that Susanna died. My wants, desires, will, died tonight. I no longer live. Father, what is Your will for me?
YAHWEH:
To preach the Gospel, Susanna. Your will is to preach the Gospel to the nations. Yes, you have My will. The time is near, Susanna. Remember what I told you?
SUSANNA:
Which part, Lord?
YAHWEH:
You will be missionaries for Me. Not the way you think. You will be on a mission. This is a new day for you, Susanna. Susanna, do not doubt what I have told you. It will all come to pass. Wait on Me. Don’t give up, Susanna. Tell many people about Me. It’s all about souls, about building the Kingdom. Don’t give up. Keep watching and waiting for Me. In the hour when you think not. I love you, Susanna. Yes, you are a prophet. You are still in training. You will always be. Don’t worry. My Word will stand. I am not a man, Susanna. No one can change My plans. Tonight was another step closer; you are birthing. Don’t stop. Don’t give up. I have wonderful plans for you. Do you believe Me, Susanna?
SUSANNA:
Yes, Lord.
YAHWEH:
Watch and wait for Me, Susanna. Trust Me. Believe My words. Taste and see, Susanna. I love you, Susanna. Why do you doubt? Don’t you know that I am always with you? You have this burning inside of you to preach My Word. This is your calling, Susanna. I have called you. Do not doubt My calling. It will all come to pass. Believe My Word, Susanna. I cannot lie. Do not give up. Trust Me. I know. I understand, Susanna. Don’t worry. My plans for you are good. Don’t worry, Susanna. I love you. Everything is in My timing. Everything is in My timing. I made you just the way you are for a reason—fearfully and wonderfully made. Susanna, I have wonderful plans for you. You will see. Oh, My daughter, if you only knew how close you were. You are so close. Don’t give up. Don’t worry, Susanna. It’s all worth it. Susanna, trust Me. Believe Me. I see the end.
SUSANNA:
Lord, it’s wonderful?
YAHWEH:
Susanna, My plans are good. You will see. Don’t give up. Follow Me. I told you the tests will not be easy. Pay the price and receive the anointing. You have to pay the price for the anointing. I must have all of you. You must no longer live. I must be the only One living in you. Are you willing to pay the price, Susanna?
SUSANNA:
Yes, Lord.
YAHWEH:
Don’t give up. Seek after Me with your whole heart. Die to yourself.
SUSANNA:
Do You believe that Jesus came in the flesh?
YAHWEH:
Yes, Susanna, I do believe that. Jesus is the Son of God.
SUSANNA:
I am glad that You believe that.
YAHWEH:
Susanna, I love you with a perfect love. I will always be here.
SUSANNA:
Thank You, Lord. I believe You.
YAHWEH:
Don’t worry. It will all become a little clearer soon. Don’t give up.
SUSANNA:
Thank You, Lord, for talking with me. I needed to hear Your voice.
YAHWEH:
Good night. I love you.
SUSANNA:
I love You too, Father.
April 5, 2007
SUSANNA:
Today, the Lord showed me, in my heart, my mean attitude. I was so mean to Mike today, and I realized that I was, so I apologized. He didn’t seem interested in the apology. He told me that I always have a mean attitude. I didn’t realize that. I don’t like the things that I see in my heart. Some of the things are so nasty and vile. So much has to be removed, but I can’t do it. The Lord has to remove the filth from my heart. Today, I actually see it—the stuff in my heart, and today, I choose to go to King Jesus to ask Him to create in me a clean heart and renew the right spirit within me.
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